|
kiwisc
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Laura
Birthday: 3/11/1900
Interests: Writing, reading, hanging out, history, watching movies, laughing, thinking, stargazing, the beach, hiking, running, most any sport
Occupation: Sales
Industry: Business
Message: message me
Member Since:
11/19/2003
|
|
| It's been awhile since I even logged into Xanga. Since I get emails with people's updates, I don't really feel the need. However, it crossed my mind that not all of life is facebook and myspace and LJ! hehe.
So basically I've been at my "new" job since last September, I just passed my 1-year anniversary. It's been going really well overall, and I am glad to be a part of what's happening here.
At times I experience discontentment and questioning, but I suppose that is all normal. I have been thinking about getting my own place, but the thought of throwing hundreds of dollars a month into a rental is discouraging. I know I was doing that, and it would not be horrible to do again, but it seems kind of pointless. However, I do recognize that I need to branch out at some point and not live with the 'rents forever.
I had a fun weekend last weekend- went to the Bay and hung out with friends :) We went out and did some dancing to mash-ups (yeah, I'd never heard of them either). We also had all you can eat fondue and cheap wine. There's something about being with friends makes even the cheap- or not stellar- seem incredible. One of my friend's little brothers bought a bottle of patron (so expensive!) so we took shots of that. Somehow I did them without a chaser or lemon... but it was super smooth, so it worked out. It was fun to be with the girls and just chill. I needed that, for sure.
| | |
| How many roads must a man walk down
Before you call him a man?
Yes, 'n' how many seas must a white dove sail
Before she sleeps in the sand?
Yes, 'n' how many times must the cannon balls fly
Before they're forever banned?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.
How many times must a man look up
Before he can see the sky?
Yes, 'n' how many ears must one man have
Before he can hear people cry?
Yes, 'n' how many deaths will it take till he knows
That too many people have died?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.
How many years can a mountain exist
Before it's washed to the sea?
Yes, 'n' how many years can some people exist
Before they're allowed to be free?
Yes, 'n' how many times can a man turn his head,
Pretending he just doesn't see?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.
Too many people are dying. Too many young people, for all sorts of reasons. Dean, someone I've known since elementary school (but whom I wasn't really friends with, and hadn't seen in years), died last week of a drug overdose. It's sad that he is gone, to be sure, but what strikes my heart very profoundly is that so many will not heed the effect of drugs on their own bodies, their lives, and who it will and does affect in their lives and around them. Our decisions are bigger than just us. | | |
| "I Need You To Love Me"
Barlow Girl
Why, why are You still here with me
Didn't You see what I've done?
In my shame I want to run and hide myself
But it's here I see the truth
I don't deserve You
[Chorus:]
But I need You to love me, and I
I won't keep my heart from You this time
And I'll stop this pretending that I can
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me
I, I have wasted so much time
Pushing You away from me
I just never saw how You could cherish me
'Cause You're a God who has all things
And still You want me
Your love makes me forget what I have been
Your love makes me see who I really am
Your love makes me forget what I have been
So maybe this song doesn't entirely encapsulate what I am thinking and feeling. But somehow it's really poignant. The need is there, it's palpable.
I remember hearing Lisa play this a lot at our old apartment. And it takes me back. I am always amazed at how a SONG, how MUSIC evokes memories, can bring tears, can induce a smile. Music is so powerful.
I realized last night (maybe re-realized for the first time?) that I lived the longest with Lisa and Erika than I have ever lived with anyone, outside of my immediate family. (A month shy of) 2 whole years. Dang.
They saw me after the barrier of nice roommate comes down, the day in-day out of some difficult shit. That was probably the most volatile, confusing period of my life up to that time, I would say. A few crazy things happened in my life, and of course, some of the waste of that processing (and avoiding) affects those who are around me the most. That would be them.
Sometime I look back on that time, and I wonder how in the world they put up with me. Really. There were probably times they wanted to kick me out. There were times I wanted to kick ME out. There were times I wondered if they regretted asking me to live with them.
But the crazy thing is, I woudn't trade it for anything. Nothing in the world. Even though I fought it at times, there was no one I was supposed to be living with but them. Though I moved out 8 months ago, there are STILL things I am trying to process about that period. Somehow I think there are nuggets of truth about myself that I never would've learned except in that boiler room. Which I just don't understand. But then again, there are things I will never understand.
Though there were probably times we all hated each other, and didn't speak to each other, I can honestly say I love those girls. They are a part of me now, and no one can ever take that away. Just don't show me the video footage. I already know what an ass I can be! | | |
| I run to feel. I run to forget. I run fast so no one can catch me. To feel the rush. Don't watch. I'm not here for your viewing. I am here to run to feel to forget, fast. | | |
| Happy Thanksgiving, friends!
I hope it is everything you ever dreamed it could be. And more!
| | |
|